Around the corner

How can I only have under a month left here?  It feels like these past four months have been on fast forward mode and all I want to do is slow it down and enjoy the time I have left, but I know that these next couple of weeks are going to fly by because of school wrapping up, spending as much time as possible with friends and enjoying the holiday season!

But I've been very conflicted over the past two weeks...but it's good.

See, I'm torn between two lives right now; the one I've grown up with and am accustomed to, but also the new life I've formed over the last couple of months.  I love both of them and I wish I could live both of them at the same time, but I can't live in two places at one time.  As much as I want to come home and see my friends and family again, I feel like that will always be there and I can always come back to it (so staying six more months wouldn't really matter.)  Whereas here, I only have one chance to be here and experience everything.  Sure I can come back in college or live here again later in life, but that's not the same as the experience I'm having right now where I'm living with a host family and attending high school.  The experience can't be replicated and that's why I'm really torn... to stay longer or not...

I want to stay here longer and continue this experience and further establish myself here.  I feel like I'm at the point where everything's normalized and everything's becoming natural.  I'm beginning to think in German unconsciously (simplified thoughts, that is,) I feel like a normal, German student (NOT an exchange student!) at school because for the most past, my teachers treat me like a typical student, and I've begun to develop strong relationships with not only friends, but my host family.  Everything's piecing together and I don't want to leave it.  I just want it to continue on and really strengthen these feelings that are beginning to form.  I want to stay the for the year!

I really want to and it's hard for me to start thinking that this next week is my last week of school and that means, the beginning of saying goodbyes.  Although I hope these goodbyes are more like "see you soon"s, it's hard.  I don't want to say goodbye, I'm not ready to.  I wish I could just follow my heart and stay for the full year!